Cheerleaders & Delusions

"Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir men's blood and probably will not themselves be realized."

I lived in Chicago for 12 years and got to know the city and it's history fairly well when I can across this quote by Daniel Burnam. Burnham and some other dude who'll be irrelevant in this post had "accepted responsibility to oversee design and construction of the World's Columbian Exposition in Chicago’s then-desolate Jackson Park on the south lakefront" - Wikipedia re: Daniel Burnam.

This was a ridiculously huge project that was, at the time, the biggest in the world. You can read about it on Wikipedia on your own time but the point is that our boy Danny was a little crazy in the usual sense. So that means he was perfect guy for the job and got it done. My kinda guy.

If you're starting a business or starting a marriage/family having a little delusion isn't a bad thing. The risks are, sometimes, so large, depressing and daunting that people often don't take chances for fear of failure. Risk is a real thing and it should be approached with caution, mitigation and shrewd thinking (and the odd helmet) but if you're so afraid of failure that you never take chances you'll end up ruing your timidity at the end of your life. A little delusion helps you make something happen that never happened before, helps you ignore the goofballs that don't get you.

We'll talk about risk mitigation another time. You need it to help your marriage or business succeed but it's only one of many tools.

So let's start helping you succeed. It's not all that hard.

Go to a quiet place and dream. Set your dream in front of you and walk through it and fill it with as much detail as you can. Smells, colors, sounds, everything. Be bold. Why not ask for the sky?

J.K. Rowling, at the darkest and poorest time in her life, found herself on a long trip with nothing to do except dream. You know the rest. For hours she dreamed. Nice.

Now backplan. When I rollerbladed across Florida I had the dream, protected it and then planned to succeed by going backwards in time: from how I'd feel when I finished backwards to the middle of the skate and all the way to the beginning. BTW, I did this in July. Loooots of delusion there.

Now carefully, carefully, carefully select your cheerleaders and mentors and share your dream with them.

Here's how to find your cheerleaders and mentors: they have proven that they want the best for you and have consistently filled you with what you need to succeed. They sometimes have a history with you. But each have different rolls. We'll talk about jerks and how to ID them in a moment.

A cheerleader is like the delusional parent who believes in you no matter how many bodies were discovered in your backyard and hidden in your crawlspaces.

You need these people to give you the energizing words to encourage you when you're scared, down and fearful. They fill and heal your empty, perforated Tank of Awesomeness. You need those people when you're low and who'll celebrate with you when you succeed. You don't need go to these people for specific hard-core advice. That's not their role.

So what if your cheerleaders are a little weird. Work with what ya got, dude.

Mentors have a different role. You don't go to them for buckets of thirst slacking warm and fuzzies when your Tank of Awesomeness is perforated or low. That's not what they do. They're busy and can't do that for you. But they do have experience and want you to succeed. They give you the criticism wrapped in respect (or not) that you need to succeed. Sometimes that advice comes unbidden. Keep an eye out for it. That advice tastes better then chocolate covered twinkies when it comes. Savor the flavor. Enjoy the sugary diabetic coma that follows.

Now don't be weird and pretentious by telling these people that you're bestowing the glorious title, beauty and knowledge of Cheerleader or Mentor or Head Schmuck upon them. That freaks people out and never works.

There has to be an unforced rhythm to it. There needs to be a sense of organic naturalness to it. It has to be real and authentic. Timing is a big part of this and is often out of your control.

Don't fret. Just be patient and faithful. Sometimes these things take a while.

Jerks, however well meaning they may be or regardless if they're a relative or not, have no idea how damaging they can be. Be polite with them and give them cursory answers. They can only handle cursory anyway; they're fearful.

But here's the weird thing; they can look successful on the outside but make no mistake; in the places that really matter they are tone deaf and blind and have compromised something precious and have become poisonous. Don't just look at the fleeting accouterments of their lives. Look deeper at their character.

In the ways that matter jerks are easy to spot to those who know how to look: They don't have results that matter in the end. They can only offer murderous words that harm you or, at best, are unhelpful. Those wounds can take years to heal. Deal with them the same way you'd deal with radiological material; wary caution, distance and the appropriate lead-lined equipment and clothing. Robots work, too.

Take your dream, write it out and put it up in the places that you frequent in your home. Take time to savor that dream daily. Let it fire your heart. Don't think too hard. Just be methodical and patient. A little Delusion Sauce isn't a bad thing at this time.

Now hold on to your dream with an open hand. Be flexible and ready. Sometimes dreams fail for reasons outside of your control.

I wanted to be a scientist. However, I had one F for every quarter for every year from 1st grade to 8th grade. High School was marginally better. College was a disaster. So much for the Scientist Dream. And the computer programmer dream. And the professional writer dream. And the photojournalist dream. And the sports photographer dream. And the commercial photographer dream. And I was a very, very bad pizza delivery person and an awful truck driver. So much for the fall back plans I heard about.

Turns out I have ADD. I was diagnosed at 30. So a lot of my early dreams were not appropriate for me and the way my mind was shaped. The upshot was that I became inoculated against failure. Hurray.

But through all these failures I learned that I was extremely intelligent (people with ADD generally are), had no insignificant amount of energy, healthy ambition and that success had to occur on my terms. It wasn't hubris. It was just necessary and the only practical way to do it.

It took a long time but I gained a significant knowledge base of the terms that needed to be met for me to succeed.

Which, of course, lead me to be a wedding photographer.

Now back to that How to Make a Dream happen step by step thing I mentioned at the top. Did I do these steps? Yup. But I failed a lot, right? Yup. That too.

So?

If one dream pukes then you start again. What are you going to do? Curl up and rock back and forth in a corner hugging you knees?

It took decades for technology to catch up to my dream of wedding photography. I hated the post production of a wedding when it was film. It would be impossible to do the post production if I shot with digital. Digital can produce thousands and thousands of images. No way I could do that.

I had to wait until computers, the internet and labor specialization to mature and fall in price to the point where I could shoot a wedding and ship it to an editor to process for me.

Now I have a viable business model that allowed me the radioactive joy of prancing into the emotional crucible of a wedding day with great gear, 20 years of photographic skilz, Ninja-Level people skilz and a post production solution that wouldn't lead me to a psychotic episode. That's pretty electrifying for me.

So be bold with your dreams. Share them with your spouse or future spouse. Write them out. Protect them. Try to make it something that fills you with excitement and puts vigor in your limbs.

Ok the vigor thing was weird but you know what I mean.